Remembering dad

All I remember of dad was how funny he was, how dirty he would come home from the shop with grease, oil and sweat all over him and his dirty overalls, how he would take a loooong time in the shower and then come out smelling all good and looking all clean (mind you even his fingernails are all clean and no traces of dirt), how he would want his coffee black with half a teaspoon of sugar, how he called me his "sexy", my sis his "darling" and my bro his "bandido"; how he would want his hanky neatly pressed and then put it in his pants' right back pocket and his wallet to his left; how much he adored pets (dogs, ducks, roosters, birds, mice, rabbit, well except for cats); how he would work extra hours few days before Christmas so as to make sure that we got new clothes to wear on Christmas day. That was all dad!

But I want to share something about dad which only a few people know. I had a vivid memory of my childhood with dad. I remember every night before we sleep he would pull 3 chairs for us- my mom, my sis and I. He would teach us how to read, count and write our names. Yes, including mom. She didn't have the chance to go to school. It was my dad who taught her how to read and write. I think mom learned how to write her name the same time as I had learned how to recite my first ABCs. and dad was our first teacher!

When I was in grade school and came home sick looking all pale and got a very high temperature, he rushed me to the clinic (Dr. Reyes' clinic in Guadalupe Viejo). I could remember how worried his face was that he even got mad at that nurse at the reception cos she was asking him to fill in some form before the doctor could attend to me. Doc went out of the room and asked what was going on and dad talked to him. I don't remember now if dad had filled in that form all I remember was that dad was holding my hand all the time while we were in there. Dad was strictly advised to give me my medicines on time or I'd be worst and this could lead to a more serious disease. Each night during those times that I was sick dad would bring me a glass of warm milk and my meds then he would kiss me on my forehead and say, "bukas gagaling ka na anak!" (you'll feel better tomorrow my child). At that time I was happy being sick. For only during this time that I could have my tatay for myself. I was thinking before that since dad has got a new family we're no longer important to him. But I proved that wrong on that day!

When I graduated in grade school dad took the longest shower he ever had in his entire life. It even took him more time to get dressed than me. His reason - "syempre dapat pogi ang tatay may honor ang sexy ko!" (of course I must look handsome, my sexy has got an award). I made sure to be in the honor rolls so that I could secure a seat for my dad in the front row. Cos only parents of those in the honor rolls are given the chance to march along side the graduates and seat in the front row. I remember dad looking all proud as we marched.

When I get to college our family was having some problems with money. Not too many work/repairs coming in the shop and we got bills to pay plus two students in college and 1 in high school. Dad would even do home service repairs and come back very late at night. But even with all these money wouldn't still suffice to his family's needs.I would sometimes see him still up late at night drinking coffee by the porch and thinking. When he'd see me he'd asked for another cup then he would go to bed once finished. Then came a time when I had to ask him for my tuition fee. I knew then that he's got no money at hand so I told him that I was thinking of quitting school and that I'd just enroll again when our finances stabilize. He looked at me and said, "Sy, si tatay ang bahala. Magtatapos ka ng college!" (dad will take care of it. you'll finish college). After that he asked me to prepare his towel for his bath. Said he will find me money for my tuition fee. He left home after he had a shower. It was past midnight. I looked into their room, saw only my stepmom and our newly adopted baby..wonder where dad is at this time. Can't remember what time was it when we heard someone knocking at the door. Then I heard my stepmom crying she told me dad had an accident and that she'd go to the hospital and that I should stay with the baby. Oh how I wanted to go with them that time and see my dad. But they said I had to stay and take care of the baby. My stepmom came the next morning her shirt got blood all over. She handed me the money. Said my dad gave this to her while they were taking him to the ICU. My dad told her not to use this money for the hospital and that this money should go to me for my tuition fee. I remember feeling all of them were mad at me as they thought I was the reason dad was in the hospital.They weren't saying it aloud but I could feel that they were blaming me for what happened to dad. I carried that guilt for a long time thinking I really was the reason it happened to him. Then one night they found out about my diary. Dad has called me in his room. He said that he had read my diary. He hugged and kissed me on my forehead the same way he did when I was sick. He said he loves me so much and that will never change forever even if he got his new family. He even told me not to blame myself for what happened to him. He said it was an accident and no one's to blame. Then he hugged me again and said I love you and asked me for a cup of coffee!

July 22, 2008 - Didn't know that this will be the last day I'd seen him alive. He came at sis place together with my stepmom and his newly adopted kid. Dad loves keeping babies and kids and taking care of them like his own even if he hasn't got enough money to feed them all he would still take them in. So that day when I saw him I hugged him and gave him a peck on his dimpled cheek. I got my dimples from dad. He would always say I am beautiful cos I look like him. Then we talked about our plans for the wedding in October. He was so excited. We talked about the clothes - his pants and a new pair of shoes that I'd be going to buy for him. WE even talked about of finding him a part time job when he gets here. He said he could be a teacher too. I laughed. Told him he might be too old now to teach. Then he reminded me that he was my first teacher and that I turned out as smart as I am now cos of him. ANd so I agreed but I was still laughing couldn't imagine him being a teacher in Thailand.So when we were done talking about the wedding. I gave him my gift. He was bugging me for a looong time now to buy him a new phone with camera. So when I handed him a box his face lit up and he looked like a kid who just got his best Christmas present. He showed it to my stepmom and said that my bro would be so jealous of him now that he got a new phone. He was so excited that he couldn't wait to use it. I told him that he has to recharge it first for 8 hours before he can use the phone. The he left that night all thrilled with his new phone.

I wanted to remember dad's happy face that day. I know that wherever he is now, he's so happy for me. He may not made it to my wedding day but I know he was up there watching me and telling me that he loves me and wishing us the best in everything. It will be his birthday this 26th March he would of been 58 years old. I can't give you a call now tatay (dad) the way I always do on your birthday but I hope God will send you this message --- Happy birthday tatay! I love you! and I miss you so much! God could of never given me a better dad than you! I love you!"