Sadi

Half grinning I looked at my phone…27 missed calls…all came from one number. My heart’s in ecstasy…my nerves got excited…in a way, they would love to dance. Somehow from deep within this is really what I want…but…wait…i still want more…I want to see that agonizing pain in him…want to see that worried look in his face…want those tears that are now collecting in the corner of his eyes to completely flood down from it…been meaning to hear those silent and suppressed sobs…Oh how I would love to listen and learn the rythm!

Maso

I take severe pleasure in wanting to see myself cry in front of the mirror. I felt overwhelmed seeing those tears…as if each drop will race down to the finish line—- my EMOTIONLESS face! Why do i feel that I am no longer part of either worlds? I am awaken in a world where you have to conform and do things exactly as what others would like you to do. A slight deviation suggests a cruel punishment—- A SILENT WAR! A situation in which you never want to be in. It leaves no physical marks of abuse though….yet the emotional scar that it made will keep your inside so hollow that you no longer feel whole. That’s when i created my own world so as to gather those shattered pieces back…mend it on my inside…thus making me whole again. But then…still…in this world where I am my own captain I never felt the same excitement and pleasure that I used to have on that other world. I longed for those nights that i used to cry in pain. I missed hearing my body shouts in its excruciating agony. I wanted so much to be locked in the dark room again and be abandoned!

OC

Has it been the nth time that I’d secured the door and windows locked? Had i put the table and that heavy shelf behind the door? Had i fastened the curtains on my window? How many nails do i need to make sure that it cant be removed even by a strongest force? Oh i nearly forgotten!….i still need to take my nth shower i still feel unclean!

Para

How many pairs of eyes are looking at me now? Perhaps even following me? I gasped trying to hold my breath….I should be extremely cautious and careful not make a sound. A minute noise can send signal that i’m still alive…waiting to be devoured and filled their insatiable appetite. I stayed still for a moment trying to wedge my already shaking body in that dark corner…Suddenly…I can hear some foot steps…louder this time….I can sense that they’re near…Oh my! They’ve found me!

Phobi

All sweat as my body trembled with fear. These things in my stomach aren’t butterflies at all. They turned out to be bees that were just being disturbed in their quiet beehive. Now they’re angry and hurrying hither thither….Oh such noise they make! I'm beginning to feel restless and fidgetty. I might faint…Oh I cant breathe…Give me some air! Open the door!… I’ll rather take the stairs!

Grand Del

I worry too much…. my friends would say… I should be… you just don't know how important is the task that i am assigned to do. I must keep the balance between these two opposing worlds. One world needed more of me….yet if I submit to their needs… i will be short of what to give to the other world. Now whom should i be giving myself to maintain that balance? Other said it’s wise to use your heart in this case…but then this had become more difficult…you see both worlds didn't teach me how to use my heart! I know not of its use!

Bi Pol

Mornings have always been the active and lovely time of your usually busy life. You got the job that you so desperately wanted….successfully harvesting the financial fruits of your labour of love as you’ve said before. Got lots of friends who still keep sticking with you…smiling…and always seemed to be pleased with your presence…your most treasured and ‘famee-a-priori’ has gotten all what they need maybe you even provided them more….So what more can you ask for? Being in this situation is like describing what it feels like to be in cloud nine!

But evening? You hate it! You’d swear you will give up all what you have now just to stop it from coming. Because it’s in this time when this gnawing loneliness will sink into your soul….little by little by taking a bite… till it breaks into pieces. You can never have it again…..no matter how hard you try…even your most tempting bargain cant bring it back. You can only cry now and regret that you had lost that LOVE which you claimed is your LIFE!

Perhaps

Perhaps I wanted so much to have this life together

Perhaps I wanted not to let a day pass without letting you know how much i wanted to be with you

Perhaps I wanted more of your time and attention

Perhaps I wanted not to be put aside and be forgotten

Perhaps I wanted more laugh with you

Perhaps I wanted more hugs

Perhaps I wanted more kisses

Perhaps I wanted to hear more I love you’s

Perhaps I wanted to make you my world

Perhaps I wanted you tho think of me alone and no one else

Perhaps I wanted to see your face as I close my eyes at night

Perhaps I wanted the feel of seeing you beside me when I woke up in the morning

Perhaps I wanted a baby and enjoy being called "Mom"

Perhaps I wanted a family to live and care for

Perhaps…perhaps…perhaps….

I'm selfish to want this so much when you don't feel the same way!